If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you
Well I have gotten so sick and tired of being a fat ass that I have decided to break down and change my habits. This is a big step for me. I don’t like to commit to things if there’s even the slightest chance of failure. And the percentage of screwing this up is HUGE. I see all these friends of mine around me running marathons and 5K’s and wishing I could join in. I have passed up on a lot of life’s adventures due to my weight issues. My health has suffered among other things and I just want to change it. So I am putting my best foot forward to do whatever it takes to do this.
I started the work out portion the day after Thanksgiving. I was given a free membership to the gym through my work, thank God. I started very slow. Probably slower than I needed to. But I was trying to most importantly begin a habit. A habit of going there. Once there I realized I had a bigger problem with being there exercising when others were. I only wanted to go if the place was empty. I would sometimes pull up and leave if I saw other cars in the parking lot. Or I would shut off the treadmill mid walk and bolt for the door if someone came in. I have gotten better about it but still working on dealing with it. I think it is humiliation or being so self-conscious.
I decided to change my eating habits about 4 days ago. This is my greatest challenge. I love the food I was eating. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! But I am trying to not think of that queso dip, tostitos and mountain dew. I am focusing on water, grilled chicken, green beans and salad, among some other things. I am trying to eat small portions and more frequently. Eating right is the hardest thing I have had to try to do in my life. And my doctor told me today that he believes eating right is about 90% of what it takes to lose weight and be healthy with 10% of it for fitness. That is insane and not fair.
I am in no way enjoying this. But I hope to one day. I will not stop. I feel like I look like an idiot and am terribly embarrassed But I will do what I got to do. I pray that this will be an obsession with me. I want to be a fanatic. So I am asking everyone who reads this to please say a prayer for me because I need all the help I can get.