I decided to exercise today but it just didn’t work-out
The thing I hate most about my self or my life is being overweight. I hate my eating habits and my lack of exercise in my life. I began to get fat in my late 20’s. Before that it was never an issue. I was an average to small-sized chick who is only 5’3. Not sure what caused the blow up. When you watch all those weight loss shows on TV they always say there is usually a reason for the weight gain, like being raped or beaten or low self-esteem or their mother doesn’t love them or they got fired or whatever. Well, that is not the case with me. I think my weight explosion is from pure out laziness. So in my 20’s I grew from around 120 lbs to 180 lbs over the course of 8 years or so. And then it continued and continued. Now I am one big huge fat ass. Don’t misunderstand me, I think I am pretty and I have a good personality but I am obese.
I have joined gym after gym after gym just to quit them all. Then I have done Weight Watchers, NutriSystem and some local place called HourGlass or something like that. Then I did the pills. The only way to lose weight and be healthy is to exercise regularly and eat right. Well who the hell can do all that?! That is asking a lot. I can try to do one or the other but not both, together. Geesh! I tried to just accept the fact that I am now a large person and plan accordingly but I am still shocked each time I look in the mirror. I signed up to do the gastric bypass surgery, which I qualified for, but didn’t have the money. People say, “Oh, you don’t wanna do that, that is just a quick fix”. A yes I do! I know this is all my doing and is just from my undisciplined behavior. I hoped it was genetic and not my fault for the longest time but no one else in my immediate family is over weight. I watch the Biggest Loser on TV religiously for hope it will cause me to lose weight or quite possibly motivate me to change. Nothing yet. I have learned how to deal with this handicap over the years. Slowly I began to withdrawal from bathing suit activities like pools, beaches or boating. And I dread going into public looking like this. But life must continue and so must I.