I have had my heart broke several times in my life but only once was it major. It nearly destroyed me. I was embarrassed, ashamed and devastated. But its over and never to return and I try to remember the hurt I felt just to keep me strong. I wrote this December 4th, 2007 and I copied it down from lyrics from a song that expressed my feeling exactly at that time. Reading back on this I remember it all like it was yesterday. So much heartbreak.
I hate that I love you soooo…….
“Ok, I can’t take it any longer. But my will is getting stronger and I think I know just what I have to do the next time you wanna leave her side for mine. I can’t waste another minute After all that I’ve put in it, I’ve given you my best.
I’m so tired of being lonely. You can’t give me what I need. There is one thing you should know, I don’t have to live this way. I’ve been sitting here staring @ the clock on the wall and I’ve been laying here praying that you won’t call. Thats when I get weak and feel myself slip. It’s just another call or visit and I’ll be left here crying. Sometimes I want to beg you to stay and not leave because my heart is on my sleeve. Seems like it has been like this for a million years and I think I’m dying inside as I wait for the next time.
What do I have to do to make you see that she can’t love you like me. Why don’t you stay, I’m down on my knees, Don’t I give you what you need? I don’t like being used and I’m tired of always waiting on you. Its too much pain to have to bear to love a man you have to share.”
I got this from Oprah and wrote it down on July 14, 2008. I mentioned I was feeling neglected and remember exactly the situation. So true are these words.
IF A MAN WANTS YOU…. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t ‘be friends.’ A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think ‘it will get better.’ You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. If something bothers you, speak up. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships……….there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary…not supplementary. Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr.. Right. Make him miss you sometimes… your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
Who knows if I will ever love again