Big Scaredy Cat

I am scared a lot of the time when I am home alone. Probably goes back to my house being broke into a couple of times. But then again, I always remember being a little frightened. I am scared of lots of things. I never watch horror movies of any kind. Ever! I can probably count on one hand all of them I have seen. Besides being frightened of spiders, snakes, insects, mice, etc. It’s the thought of a human intruder coming in my home while I’m there is what scares me most.

Nothing traumatic happened to me in my childhood but yet this fear started when I was very young. I prefer to live alone but feel safer with a roommate. Even if the roommate was just 2 yrs old. Strange. The only fear or phobia my mother had that I knew of was cats. Not me, I’m ok with cats. I’m ok with dogs, bad weather, flying and closed in spaces. It’s just everything else. I don’t think my dad ever voiced his fears.

How is fear born? Where do phobias get started? I always assumed it would have come from post traumatic stress. You know like, a drowning victim scared of the water or a rape victim scared of sex. But I’m not sure that’s the case anymore. Is there a way to overcome a fear without facing it head on?

I have lost a lot of sleep and cried a lot of tears over my fears. During different periods of my life, it has consumed me. I do believe in the boogie man. I always check under my bed, in my closet and behind the shower curtain. Who I’m looking for? I don’t know. And why on earth would they want me?

I try to rationalize my theories. But doesn’t work. I hate taking showers if no one else is home. But if I must then it has to be in the daytime. See if you’re in the shower then you wouldn’t be able to hear someone breaking into my house. I always have to be prepared. Keep the gun close and loaded, cell phone always charged and know right where my keys are so I can grab them and run if needed. Maybe I should be taking a pill for this? My life would be so much easier if I was just afraid of lightning. Ugh!

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